Warmth
by Shuliet O'Spencer
Summary: Emily discovers her repressed feelings for Hanna. One-sided Hannily.


I couldn't sleep. Because we were sleeping on a tiny bed, Hanna's hips were slightly on top of mine, and our arms were glued together. Every place we were touching was setting me on fire, keeping me awake even though it was early in the morning. Then, all of a sudden, she shifted, and her thigh was protectively laced over mine. As if it hadn't been hot already, the warmth radiated off of the apex of her thigh onto mine. Despite the fact she was fast asleep; the position was still extremely intimate. My leg was trapped in between both of hers; my knee was almost digging into her core. She didn't seem to mind though as she mumbled something in her sleep. If I hadn't been so nervous I would've laughed. Our proximity was too much to handle at the time, and I could feel my heart tattooing my chest. I glanced up at her face without breaking our physical contact. Her mouth was wide open, a tiny stream of drool dripping from one corner. It was supposed to be gross. But I couldn't help but find it extremely cute. I listened to her deep inhalations, making sure she was completely asleep. A part of me wanted her to be awake. I wanted her to hold me, to leave butterfly kisses trailing down my neck. But I knew that there wouldn't be another opportunity like this, where she would be in any way ensuring the closeness. So for a while, I contemplated rather I should do it or not, scared she would wake up. I was unsure of how she would respond if she actually did awaken. Minutes felt like hours as I worked up the courage to sling my arm around her torso. I finally did so, and felt a great sense of accomplishment, but also fear as I had completed my mission. Now with every breath she exhaled, her stomach rose with my arm. We were now closer, but it still didn't feel like enough. Positive she wasn't going to wake up anytime soon, I nestled my head into the crook of her shoulder. I let my arm slink lower, so that my hand was resting on her hip, cupping her skin. I was involuntarily dragging her closer until there was absolutely no space between us. Things felt so very right in this exact moment.

It was the perfect temperature, but I could feel myself heating up. I was flustered at the physical contact. She avoids it with me on a regular basis. Probably because she thinks I'm gay. What an understatement. So, moments like these, where both of us are perfectly exposed to each other, makes me nervous. I felt a sense of jealousy rip through me as I began to remember what she said.

"For the past few months, I've been developing a massive crush on Caleb."

How is that even fair to me? I've been there for her for two years, a sounding board when she needed it, a shoulder to cry on, and an advice giver in times of distress. I know I haven't been the easiest to deal with lately, but that doesn't mean I don't care about her any less. I'm hers completely. If there was even a slight chance she liked me, I would gently caress one of her cheeks as I leaned down to compensate for our height difference. With my other hand, I would reach for her hand and intertwine our fingers right before our lips collided in perfect harmony. I've thought about kissing her so many times. About pulling away and whispering while staring into those spectacular blue eyes, "I love you." A secret between her and I. Sacred, and completely secret. Why couldn't she feel that way about me? Caleb doesn't know anything about her. He doesn't know how she thinks, or how absolutely perfect she is. I guarantee he doesn't think she's as beautiful as I do. Nobody appreciates how gorgeous she is as much as I do. When she said that, I felt this surge of sadness tear me apart. Caleb isn't me. Deep down, I've always wondered if she liked me. This isn't the conformation I was looking for. It was a wakeup call for sure, but it only showed me how much I loved her, even if I tried to hide how I was feeling from myself. If I was a boy would she like me? I kept in the tears, not wanting to wake her. Because even this moment would be temporary. I knew I was taking advantage of her state by forcibly holding her. I snuggled my face deeper into her shoulder, trying to milk this moment for everything it was worth. For this minute, she was mine. My hand was digging into her waist now, not letting go for anything. This would never happen again. It was too risky. She could wake up at a moment's notice and know how much I yearned for her. Her hips repositioned, and my knee was now actually touching her center. I fought back a gasp as I felt tingles shooting out from my stomach. She groaned, and I wondered what it would be like if we were actually in this position for real someday. What it would be like if Aria and Spencer weren't in the room, snoring lightly. Would I have mauled her with kisses? Devour her neck?

I shook off the hormones and relished in the warmth. It wasn't going to last forever. I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to be hers. I want her to protect me and to kiss me and hold my hand. I wanted her to not to be ashamed to love me. All I know is that I need her. This tiny moment was providing that. It was like we were dating. Like this was normal. My head had stopped shaking, and I was now comfortable in this embrace. The height difference was perfect. This was perfect. We would be perfect.

Courage filled my veins as I was about to wake her up. I would pull her into a loving kiss and show her how I felt about her. We would lie in bed, our mouths getting used to each other's. Each kiss would be full of passion and lust, but also caution and sensuality. Our hands would roam each other's bodies, and on that morning, we would become one. Just as I was about to say something, she turned onto her side and shook me off of her. As soon as my confidence had come, it had disappeared. A lone tear rolled down my face and dripped onto the mattress. I flipped too, so I didn't have to look in her direction. I've come to the realization that I'm hopelessly, utterly in love with my straight best friend.


End file.
